So relatable and raw. Appreciate the candor. Abstract painter here. Something about abstract painting forces you into the unknown. In realism- you know where you are going, and if you practice enough, you know how to get there. With abstract work, though. Damn. You're trying to summon the holy spirit through your body and onto the canvas...and when you can't, the failure hits hard. It feels personal. Someone told me once that an abstract painting doesn't begin until you really fuck it up. When you're absolutely bewildered. When you have no choice but to surrender. Partially true I think. Because you can enter the process surrendered as well. Not trying. For me, painting has become a spiritual practice because of this. How do I let go? how do I let the painting itself guide me? And.... How do I let life guide me? How can I be like water? The real work happens in the studio. The inner work. And it is real work. And by this writing, I can see that you're doing it. This mess, this questioning, this torture- this is also part of the process. Have heart maestra :) ebbs and flows
Thanks - I knew I had to post this because I feel like so much writing is published when people have “figured it out.” While those stories are great, I just don’t think that I’ll ever get there with art, at least I don’t think I will. While I don’t think artists have anything figured out, they at least feel like they know and show truth. I’m still searching for truth, and yes it’s messy, vulnerable, and it’s a journey… so if I don’t share it now, then I might never share it. It’s funny because I didn’t think about the process of writing this as “the process” but I suppose it’s also part of it, right? The search for truth. For beauty. For something that feels real… to capture emotion. Or whatever.
Girl, this struggle is real. I think you know that I know. BUT! I am making some progress and for the first time ever have a consistence sketchbook practice that no one (probably) is ever going to see because it's full of bad ugly art!
I know and I’m so happy to see you drawing so much again! Practice is really the process, even if we call it “practice,” and I tend to feel less pressure when I refer to it as such.
I feel like the most consistent part of my trust in myself as an artist is that the feeling constantly changes. I go through “yes!” and “nooooooo” periods, but I think the “noooooo”s are at least becoming faster to get through.
when my perfectionism gets loud I force myself to sketch with a pen. it gives me permission to make mistakes. it must be difficult when it disrupts your joy in making art. but whatever mistakes you make in the process can only be made by you. isnt that cool?
That’s a great suggestion - forcing you to accept mistakes. I often get annoyed while drawing on the iPad then going to paper because there is no Undo button on paper, especially when using permanent pens and markers. I think that practicing this acceptance makes you a better artist.
I feel this! I am a writer who lost her voice, stopped putting her creative work out there bc of this damn perfectionism. You seem to already have the solution: doing it anyway, then realizing what you make is worth making.
So relatable and raw. Appreciate the candor. Abstract painter here. Something about abstract painting forces you into the unknown. In realism- you know where you are going, and if you practice enough, you know how to get there. With abstract work, though. Damn. You're trying to summon the holy spirit through your body and onto the canvas...and when you can't, the failure hits hard. It feels personal. Someone told me once that an abstract painting doesn't begin until you really fuck it up. When you're absolutely bewildered. When you have no choice but to surrender. Partially true I think. Because you can enter the process surrendered as well. Not trying. For me, painting has become a spiritual practice because of this. How do I let go? how do I let the painting itself guide me? And.... How do I let life guide me? How can I be like water? The real work happens in the studio. The inner work. And it is real work. And by this writing, I can see that you're doing it. This mess, this questioning, this torture- this is also part of the process. Have heart maestra :) ebbs and flows
Thanks - I knew I had to post this because I feel like so much writing is published when people have “figured it out.” While those stories are great, I just don’t think that I’ll ever get there with art, at least I don’t think I will. While I don’t think artists have anything figured out, they at least feel like they know and show truth. I’m still searching for truth, and yes it’s messy, vulnerable, and it’s a journey… so if I don’t share it now, then I might never share it. It’s funny because I didn’t think about the process of writing this as “the process” but I suppose it’s also part of it, right? The search for truth. For beauty. For something that feels real… to capture emotion. Or whatever.
Girl, this struggle is real. I think you know that I know. BUT! I am making some progress and for the first time ever have a consistence sketchbook practice that no one (probably) is ever going to see because it's full of bad ugly art!
I know and I’m so happy to see you drawing so much again! Practice is really the process, even if we call it “practice,” and I tend to feel less pressure when I refer to it as such.
I feel like the most consistent part of my trust in myself as an artist is that the feeling constantly changes. I go through “yes!” and “nooooooo” periods, but I think the “noooooo”s are at least becoming faster to get through.
This resonates! The ups and downs are the only consistent thing. 😂 for me it depends on what I’m making as to whether I can better weather the storm
when my perfectionism gets loud I force myself to sketch with a pen. it gives me permission to make mistakes. it must be difficult when it disrupts your joy in making art. but whatever mistakes you make in the process can only be made by you. isnt that cool?
That’s a great suggestion - forcing you to accept mistakes. I often get annoyed while drawing on the iPad then going to paper because there is no Undo button on paper, especially when using permanent pens and markers. I think that practicing this acceptance makes you a better artist.
I feel this! I am a writer who lost her voice, stopped putting her creative work out there bc of this damn perfectionism. You seem to already have the solution: doing it anyway, then realizing what you make is worth making.
Wait… is that trusting the process?🤪
Ha yes - it’s almost as if you need to forget that there is a process at all…